Hamsterdam

2010 was an AMAZING year if you loved republicans, Duke basketball, and being fat. Here are a few tips in how to make 2011 a more successful year by avoiding some of the pitfalls of 2010. 

SMH

 Shaking Me Head.  This was the Internet acronym of the year in 2010.  I first began to see it in the comments section on rap blogs, then on Twitter, and then everywhere.  It’s also awful.  If someone shook their head disapprovingly at me in real life I would cut their head literally off so they wouldn’t do it again.  I know that’s a harsh reaction but I’m not carrying around this samurai sword just because it looks awesome. 

Complaining That Music Sucks Now

 Every year we get older, music gets several degrees worse.  I don’t know why that’s the case but it does and every generation believes that.  Everyone over the age of 15 hates Justin Bieber and Ke$ha but you want to know a secret?  This music isn’t for you.  My single digit aged relatives were singing yelling “FIREWORKS!” all during Christmas, why?  Cause this music is for a simple children and we are not simple children so let the simple children (or drunk adults) enjoy their music. 

Caring About What Shitty City You Live In

I recently moved from LA to Brooklyn.  Does that sound exciting?  It shouldn’t, it’s awful.  Who cares where you live?  I moved from a sprawling, soulless, great weather, suburban mess to a condensed, dirty, over-priced, cold, confusing city.  I don’t care about your nice restaurants or public transportation or wonderful boutiques or proximity to Trader Joe’s.  I barely leave my apartment.  Oh, you are cool cause you live in the West Village?  Wait!  You’re not cool because we are not 15-years-old anymore you douchebag.

Pretending to Care About Your Friend’s Pets

Sorry.  Like, I’m really sorry but when you start talking about Pepe’s breeding and his natural reaction to seeing a plastic bag being blown in the wind is similar to that of the weird kid in American Beauty I had alread checked out by the time you said “Pepe” and am now thinking about the pancakes I’m going to have for breakfast tomorrow.

Using #hashtags When Not On Twitter

That makes sense to people on Twitter and there’s no chance I can explain it to those people who aren’t on Twitter so let’s end this.