January 13th, 2011
stroterp

Jersey Shore Power Rankings - Week 2

Our friends are now settled in, back on their home turf in Seaside Heights. For a quick recap: Deena accidentally” got naked, Snooki got jealous and mad that Vinny wouldn’t hook up with her, and SamRon laid in bed and got in a fight. Big shocker there, I know. So let’s rank these human jello shots and give a favorite quote for each!

8. Sammi

Sammi

How would you feel if you were me?


DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE. Probably her worst performance ever. Openly antagonizing Deena for really no reason at the beginning and then just lying in bed feeling sorry for herself. Hello, you horrible bitch, you’re getting paid like 30K an episode! Go out and play “flip the cup”(wtf?) with your fellow well-compensated idiots. Get drunk! Hook up! Do SOMETHING other than lie around and suck the life out of Ronnie.

7. Ronnie

Ronnie

Alright Snook, you need to relax, cause you’re a fucking loser from Poughkeepsie, and you know it. And you know it!

It’s really not his fault. Succubus Sammi is ruining his potential. We saw a glimpse when he flew off the handle and started screaming at Deena. She tried to start saying something but got really scared and backed off a foot or two. Now THAT’S the Ronnie I love, the Ronnie that’s a constant threat of violence towards women!

6. Deena Nicole

Deena Nicole

Oooooooookay, with the words, let’s just find my hat.

A strong debut performance by the rookie. I loved how she defended getting naked in front of Situation like it was an accident and she had no idea how it happened. Also, inciting violence is always a good thing in my book. Her voice is incredibly annoying though.

5. Vinny 

Vinny

The Jersey Shore is in my blood. My father went to the Jersey Shore, my uncles went to the Jersey Shore. I have to go where I belong. Like the monkey has to go the fucking jungle, I belong at the Jersey Shore. 

Vinny was pretty good this week. He made a pretty classy and justified move by not hooking up with Snookie in the hot tub (as if you could ever justify that). Vinny is great. He seems like an actual nice person with a pretty good grasp of reality. He understands his fame and why he is famous, but doesn’t go over the top with it. And as seen in this sneak peek, he knows how to have fun with it.

4. Pauly

Pauly

Oh I can feel it! Ooooooh here it comes. OOOOOOHHHH!!!!!

Pauly is the king of the hilarious background comment. That’s pretty much all he was good for this week, but it was perfect. 

3. JWOWW 

(Something something *bleep* *bleep* then she starts fighting.)

Like Pauly, she had a slow week but delivered where it counts. Next week is big for her because the winner of the fight has yet to be determined and it looks like the gang hits the club for a little battling. 

2. Snookie

Snookie

Your mom calls me every single week saying, “Why the fuck is my son with this boring-ass bitch? (I might have fabricated a little bit saying that Ronnie’s mom said that Sam was a bitch, but when I said it, Ron didn’t say a word.)”

Sigmund Snookie, everyone! Great work in the fight at the end. Stood up for her girl Deena, really laid into Sammi, potentially drove a wedge between Sammie and Ronnie, and then stepped back and let her bodyguard JWOWW handle the dirty work. Throw in a new hairstyle and the hot tub drama, and it adds up to a tour de force from our favorite little meatball. Well done, Snooks. You get the Player of the Week Award!

1. The Situation

The Situation

You are the blast from the past. Wait, what is it, blast in a cup? I am putting you up for Rookie of the Year award. You are going for Rookie of the Year award. Not only were you butt naked on the first day…

Great, low-key work from Sitch this week. He perfectly handled the naked Deena incident, said it was just between the two of them, and then immediately described it to anyone who would listen all while keeping everyone laughing. We’ve seen his dark side, but this week it was all laughs from the Team Captain.

  1. hamsterdam posted this
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