February 24th, 2011

Muammar al-Gaddafi: A Critical Analysis

It’s been an exciting week here in America.  Cheese-heads are protesting in Wisconsin, NBA players are jumping over cars, and Congressmen are sending creepy pictures all over the internet.

Furries deserve representation too! [Ed. Note: No, they don’t] 

But in case you haven’t been paying attention, some wild stuff is happening over on the other side of the world.  In the wake of the overthrow of regimes in Tunisia and Egypt, protesters across the Middle East and Africa are taking to the streets calling for democratic reforms.

Nowhere have these protests taken a more serious turn than in Libya.  Reports out of Libya have been sketchy, but in various places it has been reported that tens of thousands of people are in the streets, that there are mass defections of Libyan diplomats and military figures to the sides of the protesters, that the military and mercenaries were attempting to brutally suppress the protests, and entire swaths of the country are no longer under government control.

One thing we do know is that to defuse the situation and convince his people to chill out, Muammar Gaddafi, Libya’s dictator for 41 years, gave an internationally televised speech. 

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February 10th, 2011

All in favor….say die

"Either I’m dead right, or I’m crazy!"- Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

You may not be interested in politics, and who can blame you?  Boring arguments about the same old issues getting rehashed over and over again, and no matter who wins you are guaranteed to get blasted in the ass (credit: Dennis Reynolds).  In fact some nerds academics have suggested that not voting is more rational than voting.  But something that even boring political junkies and boring apathetic cynics should all agree on is that if there is one thing that makes our democratic form of government interesting, it is crazy ass politicians trying to win elections.  For instance, if you weren’t paying attention in 2010, you missed a re-virgined ex-witch and a mentally unstable accused sex offender each receive their party’s nomination for the US Senate. 

Thanks to some very high profile crazies, there were a few politicians with very high crazy potential who flew under the radar.  These are people you want to pay attention to when you’re looking for high entertainment in your politics.  One of these individuals is Senator Joe Manchin from West Virginia.

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January 27th, 2011

Bye Week Blues

It’s here. One of the worst days of the year. Bye week Sunday. Football has made up the better part of your weekends for the last twenty-one weeks. There’s one game left, but they’re making you wait an extra week to watch it. So what are you supposed to do with yourself? Sure, there’s regular season hockey and basketball on, but does that really cut it? The NFL put the Pro-Bowl on bye-week Sunday in a desperate attempt to make it more relevant, but we all know that the Pro-Bowl is useless and irritating and I’m not going to insult your intelligence by assuming that even one of you is going to watch it. Instead, I’m going to offer a few useful suggestions of some activities that will help you occupy your time and survive the weekend without football.

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January 21st, 2011

NFL Playoff Gambling Halp Week 3: Here We Go Again, Again

600 million people watched the Jets/Patriots game.  Pretty cool, I know this guy was excited about it.  I use to prefer the AFC/NFC Championship weekend to the other playoff weekends but not so much anymore.  Four games are better than two and it gives me four opportunities to say, “I should treat myself with a sandwich” and really that’s what life is now, finding special TV moments to I say, “I should treat myself with a sandwich.”  On to the games!

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January 14th, 2011

NFL Playoff Gambling Halp Week 2: The Revenge

That was a mildly exciting week of wild card games.  What is exciting is that HALF of the Hamsterdam writers’ favorites teams play in one game this week!  Did that make sense?  Probably not.  Fhyrew and StrO’s Baltimore Ravens take on Nineninety’s Pittsburgh Steelers in the most important NFL rivalry if you ask people in Baltimore and Pittsburgh.  If you asked anyone in any other part of the country about this game they’d be wondering why an arena team from Baltimore is playing in the NFL.

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January 13th, 2011

Baltimore vs Pittsburgh, forever and ever and ever

This week two hated division rivals meet in the AFC Playoffs, and America couldn’t be more excited.  Any time you have two teams from third-tier downtrodden decaying industrial cities playing low-scoring, all-defense football while led by obnoxious scumbags, America takes notice.  Especially with such high stakes: the winner earns the right to get drop-kicked into oblivion by non-scumbag Tom Brady and the New England Patriots the following week.

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January 7th, 2011

NFL Playoff Gambling Halp

Since the NFC East picks thing worked so well during the season (it didn’t), it seems obvious to tinker with the formula a bit.  All of the ‘dammers will pick the games against the spread and the winner gets dong pics of the loser’s dong.  CIRCLE OF DONG!

New Orleans Saints at Seattle Seahawks (+10.5) January 8th 4:30PM EST

nineninety: This has “vegas is trying to sucker people into taking the underdog” written all over it.  Give me the Saints.

nomnomnomics: The only thing worse than Seattle’s defense is the fact that Seattle made the playoffs. And here, people says a playoff will fix everything in college football. Malarkey! Saints will be ahead three touchdowns by halftime.

fhyrew: With Chris Ivory and Pierre Thomas out, I’m tempted to be contrarian and take Seattle. But then I remember that the forward pass is allowed and the Seahawks haven’t quite figured out how to stop that little wrinkle, and I take the Saints.

ripatranzone:  No Charlie Whitehurst, no peace!  Ten and half points at home, yeesh, that’s a lot to give up but this game is going to be over in five minutes probably.  Saints.

strO: This line should be 13. The Seahawks have lost 9 games, all by at least FIFTEEN. There’s no way they are winning, so logic says they will get blown out. So give me the Seahawks!

keegs: I’m totally on board with the illogical cover.  I think the Seahawks special teams makes a big play or two and can totally cover a number that big at home.

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January 6th, 2011

Jersey Shore Season 3 Fearless Predictions

Jersey Shore returns for its third season tonight.  In its first two seasons the show became a pop culture phenomenon, scoring millions of viewers every episode and gracing late-night talk show monologues on a nightly basis.

"And Boehner responds ‘We got a Situation!’"

Some people criticize it as offensive, juvenile, contrived, and misogynistic.  It’s hard to refute those claims, but the show is great entertainment nevertheless.  It isn’t just the guilty pleasure aspect of watching this fascinating subset of American culture, and laughing “at” rather than “with” them.  We like it because, secretly, we see a little bit of ourselves and our friends in these individuals.  We all know the guy who is so over-the-top arrogant that you both love and hate to be around him.  The friends who invent an inside joke, run it into the ground, and then run it into the ground for so long that it becomes funny again.  The girl in a miserable relationship who does nothing about it.  The guy who is an out of control maniac when single and a boring Debbie Downer when he’s in a relationship.  The pumpkin-shaped disaster of a human being who causes you to question your long-held beliefs in a higher power (and the theory of natural selection) and will do more to draw attention to the need for education reform than Waiting for Superman. We laugh at them on TV or scoff that they are so highly compensated per fist pump, but we love them in real life.

Here is what I think we can expect this season:

-Deena will wear on our nerves

Based on the promos and previews, MTV seems to be hyping new housemate Deena as a major wild card.  It looks like she gets in a fight with Sammi and tries hooking up with one (or all) of the guys as early as the first episode.  With that kind of beginning we can only expect big things from her this season, right?  Well, I think the novelty of having a her in the house will wear off quickly.  After the initial excitement we will realize that a louder, sluttier version of Snooki isn’t a good thing.  The other housemates will ostracize her (expect a “we’re a family, and she isn’t part of the family yet!” or “she has to earn this!” confessional) and she’ll calm down.

-Sammi will spend an average of 15-20 minutes in bed each episode

Seriously.  Think about last season.  She NEVER LEFT THE BEDROOM.  And I don’t mean that in a sexy way.  I mean she was always in bed.  Whether she was arguing with Ronnie, trying to decipher the hidden meanings of the infamous Jwoww-Snooki note, or arguing with Ronnie, Sammi was always in bed.  I think that we can expect more of the same this season as her case of Epstein-Barr syndrome continues untreated.

-We won’t get enough Single Ronnie

Ronnie, when single, is an untapped gold mine of entertainment.  He drinks to excess.  He goes after women with reckless abandon.  He gets in fights.  He dances.

But if there’s been a problem with Jersey Shore so far, it is that we haven’t gotten enough of single Ronnie.  Early in Season 1 he settled down with major wet blanket Sammi and rarely left the bedroom.  Again, not a sexual thing, it’s just to spend time with her he has to stay within fifteen feet of the bed.  Season 2 brought us the promise of single Ronnie as he had split from Sammi in the offseason.  But, alas, they were back together before you could say “CABS ARE HERE.”  I think we’ll get a similar tease of single Ronnie this season—he and Sammi will inevitably fight and break-up.  Yet again, though, we’ll never get to see Single Ronnie’s full potential as he will answer the siren call of Sammi’s bedroom [still not sexual].

-Snooki settles down

It has been tough going romantically for Snooki.  She’s had a guy throw up on her, her boyfriend call to seemingly brag about infidelity, and ran into her ex-boyfriend while performing a mating dance on the boardwalk.  She did share a romantic evening with Vinny, but we all know he won’t depart M.V.P. any time soon.  I think this season Snooki will find the gorilla juicehead guido she’s been looking for.  I’m not sure how it will happen and it may not last, but I think it will be an even mix of touching and hilarious.

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